Cloudy Mirror

As you can see, it’s been a while since I last posted. I’ve missed blogging too, because I really do love to write and the subject matter of this Cloudy Mirror Blog is always on my mind. The excuse that I’ve been making for myself is that I just haven’t had time to do it. Then one day, while doing some tedious and not-really-necessary-task, I realized that I’ve been spending a lot of my time doing things that I really don’t enjoy. Why is that? Do I really have my priorities straight?

It’s a tad bit distressing to be asking myself this now, because I seem to remember not too long ago, that I sat down and made a list of priorities for myself where I decided what was important to me and what wasn’t. Where did I go wrong? How did I stray so far from my “Big Plan” to do things that I enjoy and to make efforts to do things just for me? What happened to make me forget the direction in which I was headed?

Well, the answer is that life happened. I got caught up in the standard day-to-day activities of my life and I began to forget about myself again. It’s so easy to do. I just always seem to have a million things going on, and for some reason, I seem to prioritize the things that I want to do for myself (paying attention to my health, reading, writing, exploring new hobbies etc.) after everything else, so I don’t really ever get to them.

First of all, because of constantly advancing technology, not only can we get more things done in a short period of time these days, but we feel that we have to jam-pack our schedules or we’re just wasting time. Our employers expect more and more productivity out of us because technology to make our jobs “easier” is being developed all the time. And simply because we are able to instantly contact people via e-mail or instant messengers, we feel guilty if we can’t find time to type a quick note and hit send. Think about it: 20 years ago, how long would it have taken us to make a transfer at the bank, buy a new winter coat, and buy groceries for dinner? Those tasks could easily have taken up half a day. Now we can do it all in minutes online. And because we can do so much so fast now, we feel that we must.

Also I have this problem, as many people do, where if certain people in my life ask or need me to do something for them, I have a very hard time telling them no… even if I don’t really want to do it. Thankfully, this group of people, for me, is relatively small but the things I end up doing for them still seem to take up a lot of time. Of course, it’s my job as a mother to do these things for my child, who is too young to do most things on her own, so I’m not complaining about that. It’s the other people to whom I give my time. Why are their wants and needs more important than mine? How can I begin to learn to say no?

What I really need to do is to focus. I need to take at least a moment, if not several, out of every day to just stop and remind myself of what my priorities are. The key word in there is “stop”. I need to stop thinking about how my boss is asking me for a report by the end of the day. I need to stop thinking about my daughter’s Halloween costume. I need to stop thinking about that noise my car is making. I need to stop thinking about how dirty my curtains are, even if it will only take an hour to clean them. I need to stop thinking about whether or not anyone will eat the spaghetti tonight if I make it. I just need to take a moment for myself and clear my head of all of that craziness and refocus on what is really important to me. Because the truth is, once I do that, I can see that most of what is running through my mind isn’t as dire as it seems.

It is possible to accomplish these moments of focus by finding a short time to be alone, preferably in the morning right after waking, to clear your mind of all thoughts. Take time to breathe and let your mind relax. Then, slowly and gradually give yourself a chance to think about your priorities in life and how they relate to your priorities on this particular day. Ask yourself if the things that you’ve planned to do align with your overall goals in your life. Then with that reminder fresh and focused in your mind, do your best to make sure that everything you do that day is meaningful to you. Even if it you can only find 5 minutes in the bathroom, this exercise is worthwhile to help you to regain a clear view on what you need and want to do in life. If you can do this more than once a day, that’s even better.

You may recognize the previous exercise to be a “lite” form of meditation. Though meditation does have its roots in religion, it does not have to be performed as a religious act. Instead, it can be used as a tool to improve the clarity of your mind. If you find the above activity to be helpful to you in your life, you may consider exploring meditation a bit more. I have dabbled in it in the past (inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh and guided by Pema Chodron), but I admit, I have let it fall by the wayside. I do want to begin meditating again, because I did feel that I accomplished more meaningful things in my life while I was actively seeking that quiet time.

One other tool that I have found useful in the past to help me focus on my goals is the website 43things. It’s a site where you can list and prioritize your goals and, in a rather blog-like fashion, write entries to document your progress towards reaching each goal. You can find other people who have the same goals as you do, keep track of their progress (as they can with yours), and you can cheer each other on (with virtual cheers). It really is an amazing thing to gain a support group to help motivate you towards reaching your goals. I have to admit though, that I spent over a year as a member of 43things, but after a while it became too time consuming for me to continue writing and keeping up with all of the other wonderful people I met. There just came a point in time where all the time I was spending on the site was taking away from other things I wanted to do. You can, however, do a better job than I did at finding balance and it can be extremely helpful. (I may need to return, since I seem to have swung back to the other extreme of having lost track of my goals!)

These days, it’s difficult to stop and think about yourself, especially when you have other people that you need to think about as well. But, as they always say, if you continue going through life without taking the time to think about and take care of yourself, you may not be around to take care of anyone in the future. It really is important to make sure that the things that we do in life are truly meaningful to us, otherwise one day we’ll wake up feeling empty, like we haven’t accomplished anything real at all.

Posted by pigi under General & Love & Relationships | No Comments »